Mr Cheese

So there I was, minding my own business, just having signed-in to my blogging dashboard, when I saw that I had two new comments to moderate. Ooo..... exciting! What comments had been left?

I quickly opened the "view comments" link, and saw that there were two comments left by someone whose name I didn't recognise (wow - a stranger, even more exciting!), with a blog called I Like Cheese. Those of you familiar with blogging will tell you that a person's blog title does not necessarily give you any indication of what they're like, or what they're blog is about, so the blog title gave me no clue. None whatsoever. Not a hint. I decided to read his comments before checking out his blog.


His first comment "Dude, that's like awesome, and stuff." was left, appropriately, under my post
OMG! I've Just become an Ordained Priest!, and told me that either he had a sense of humour, or that I'd nabbed myself a "Californian" type. Fair enough.



His second comment, left under my post Feelgood Friday!, was a bit more obscure. "Not bad. Funny, even.". I immediately perked-up. What was this? Was this some new kind of uber-critical blogger mafia type that I hadn't realised existed before? (note to self: really must get round to finding-out how to do those umlaut and accent squiggly-type things sometime within the next, oh, fifty years or so.) Or, gasp of shock, could it actually be someone using dry humour?

Surely not! I'd heard tales of the existence of such sorts during my many, many minutes travelling throughout Cyberspace, but those were only rumours (sorry, rumors), whispered by huddled little groups hiding in shadowy corners. Could there really be a blogger out there actually using wit??? Oh, for the joy of a fellow blogger who might share my appreciation of comic talent of the type that is all too rare in the Great Sphere that is Blogger. Talent such as The Goons,  (originally a radio show),widely recognised in the UK as the original creators of modern British surreal comedy, who inspired many of the Monty Python team, and whose influence can clearly be seen in many of Python's best known sketches (and some of the lesser known ones too!).

Okay, so I don't even pretend (even to myself, and I have a good imagination) that my blog posts are even pale shadows of such inspired and inspiring, pure genius comedy art. Neither are they anything like the comedy brilliance of another hero of mine, Eddie Izzard who, not content with making superior quality jokes about the French (anyone born in the UK is capable, from birth, of making ordinary jokes about the French, after all), learned French, travelled to France, and made jokes about the French - in French, to the French - and they laughed! What a guy (and he has an excellent eye for accessorizing an outfit - too much talent in one man!). (My current favourite (it changes on a daily basis), is his piece about Darth Vador in the Death Star canteen.). 

No, my humour is far more akin to the infantile yet joyful, laughing at stereotype foreigners that is "It's A Knockout", or, to be more precise, the European version, "Jeux Sans Frontieres", specifically the "Penguin" game! (Stuart Hall, the British commentator, admitted to actually wetting his pants during this game - he was laughing so much!) When I showed this clip to my nephew, who was 21 at the time, so too young to have enjoyed this UK national favourite during the era it was aired (as was I *cough*), he fell off his seat laughing!

And if you want to experience some really bizarre, home-grown in Scotland humour, check out Ivor Cutler, doing this.

Anyway, back to the plot.....

I had to find out if my suspicions were true, or if my hopes of this Holy Grail of blogging were to be dashed to the ground, shattered into a thousand broken pieces like a million shards of disco mirror ball.. (I could go on, but I'm sure you get the general drift - I'd be a bit upset).

I rushed over to his site to investigate further, and read his (at that point) most recent post, which declared through the medium of comic strip, that the reader was to leave a comment, or he would personally come and pee on their cat.  This message was conveyed in a funny way. I liked it. I laughed. I read his previous posts. They were also funny. I laughed some more. He is funny. Very funny. Then I left a comment under the "cat" cartoon, a comment which I intended to be funny, but which was also a cunning plan to find out if Mr Cheese (hereafter to be referred to simply as "Smelly" on these pages) actually realised I had meant it as a joke. My comment was simply "I don't have a cat." The lack of an exclamation mark meant that, if I was a stand-up comedian, I would have been saying it in a dead-pan voice.

I also joined his blog as a follower because I saw that he only had two followers while I, at that time, had four. We had, coincidentally, started our blogs at about the same time, and I felt that it evened things out about if he had three followers to my four (still meant I had more than him after all, not that I'm competitive, or anything). 

I went to my bed, wondering what, if anything, would be his reaction.

The next day, after checking my email and doing some boring stuff, I took a wander over to his blog to see if he had left a comment in reply to mine (I had already checked my blog, nothing to report, no new comments, or new followers, hmmmm.......)

And saw his latest post about him becoming a Dudeist Priest.... !!! [SFX: Dah Dah DUMMMMMM!!!].


Wha....! What was he up to???

He had left a link to my blog, but had he stolen my idea to write about it...or just borrowed it??? With conflicting emotions (he had nabbed my idea - BAD Cheese, but that was ok, I don't mind sharing, plus he had openly stated where he had discovered Dudeism (spreading the Word of The Dude = GOOD) plus he had left a link to my site - GOOD Cheese.... I couldn't think, my brain was on overload, I had to get a cup of tea FAST.

After a calming brew, my mind settled. What to do? Should I declare his wanton ... uhm.... wanton what exactly? After spending several seconds considering my options, I narrowed it down to a list of two: 1/. explain the situation to my blog followers and request, nay demand that you, as my loyal followers, go over en masse (that's real French, btw) and join his site but (here comes the twist) as hostile followers, just to sit there, watching, in as intimidating a way as you could muster. Hostile following, I thought, - this could start a whole new trend in Blogland. Who knows where it could lead, my plan to take over the known Universe could still be on! And..... at this point I got distracted by something shiny and forgot all about my new Master Plan....... (and option 2/.).

......forgot all about it... till lat last night, when he left another comment on the post I had most recently published. If you want to read what he said, just look for the one laden with sarcasm.

I knew something was afoot, and when I got to his site, sure enough, there it was.

THIS!

I laughed. I laughed ..... A LOT! Then I laughed some more. Then my laugh turned slightly sinister, as it suddenly became clear to me exactly how I should handle this situation.

Then I went to bed. Smiling a slightly sinister smile.

And today, - well today I set my plan in motion.

Before I tell you what I did, I'd like to take a moment to dedicate this clip to Smelly Cheese. It may be some time before he gets to laugh again, once he realises the gravity of his situation.

What did I do?

I did what any self-respecting ScotBrit would do under the same circumstances.

I told my mum on him.

Then I showed her his cartoon.

She didn't laugh.

I wouldn't like to be in his shoes.

Maybe you should all keep an eye on his site I Like Cheese, - regularly. Just to check that he's still, y'know, posting in, as it were.

I'll stay here, in my black leather high-backed swivel chair, stroking my fluffy white cat.

Mwaha, Mwahaha, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..............................