Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Oooo-ehr Mr Mayor!

Dear readers, do you remember a previous post, Freaky Trees, where I lamented the fact that here was a news story where not one of the reports had seized the perfect chance to make puns all the way through their story? Well, here's another one (this might well become a regular feature!). This time it's about a mayor who managed to let his trousers fall down during a visit to a local library (it's true).

I was almost moved to tears by the utter lack of puns in any of the (three) reports I read.

The Telegraph, the Daily Mail and thisisleceistershirestressrs all missed this golden opportunity to have a laugh at this  idiot's  poor man's stupidity unfortunate oversight.

In the interests of nothing in particular, here's my version of the story:

 Mr Mayor Brought To Book

An unfortunate incident in a public library has left the Mayor of Leicester with red cheeks, after his trousers fell down in full view of the youngsters who had specially gathered for his official visit.
The Mayor, clearly embarrassed, was left without a leg to stand on, while his audience tried not to crease themselves laughing. Mr Mayor who, up until this point had thought he had the audience in his pocket, decided to crack on with his speech. Unfortunately for him, the audience of children were in stitches. Telling them to "Belt up" didn't have any effect, so he tried telling them a story which, he had hoped, would keep them in suspenders long enough for him to regain control of the situation.

Seams like this didn't work either though.
By this time, a brace of Trumpton reporters had heard about the incident, and were asking Mr Mayor to enlarge. Mr Mayor wisely declined to comment, deciding instead to keep it zipped. No flies on him then! He hemmed and hawed for a moment and then, realising he was in a tight fix, he legged it. Through a rear exit. No one tried to tackle him, preferring instead to partake in the light snack of meat and two veg prepared specially for the event.

Local resident, Bod, commented "I don't know Y he forgot his belt, but it was clear to everyone that he got his knickers in a twist. But he did the wise thing and kept buttoned up."
When asked what advice he would give the embarrassed Mr Mayor, Bod replied "He shouldn't let this b***s up [unfortunate incident] get him down. He just needs to keep his pecker up and maybe drown his sorrows with a drink or two. That should jockey him up a bit. 
Bottoms up!" 

Ok guys, your turn - what puns did I miss?
Answer in the comments box provided please!

Heidelberg Electric Belt

P.S.Thanks for the best answer vote, Flamingo, enjoy!


Alistair (Rev.) (Yes, I am now one too)! said...

I see you waisted no time getting t the bottom of this story - a real turn-up for the books. I don't know if any of the youngsters concerned were boxers, but if they were they could string a story together, (yes, they also make them for men)! Puns aside, I hope he now remembers the golden rule to save time whilst getting dressed: "First your underpants THEN your shoes".

Alistair said...

Also a good example of turning the other cheek.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a hip dude, bet he gave a thigh of relief at the knees up later! His apparent lack of concern was in fact due to his forehead having been treated with Buttocks not a careless attitude.

Alistair said...

nudists beware - your end is in sight!

Brand New Day said...

Buttocks??? Ah - Botox pun! nice one..!