Oooo-ehr Mr Mayor!

Dear readers, do you remember a previous post, Freaky Trees, where I lamented the fact that here was a news story where not one of the reports had seized the perfect chance to make puns all the way through their story? Well, here's another one (this might well become a regular feature!). This time it's about a mayor who managed to let his trousers fall down during a visit to a local library (it's true).

I was almost moved to tears by the utter lack of puns in any of the (three) reports I read.

The Telegraph, the Daily Mail and thisisleceistershirestressrs all missed this golden opportunity to have a laugh at this  idiot's  poor man's stupidity unfortunate oversight.

In the interests of nothing in particular, here's my version of the story:

 Mr Mayor Brought To Book

An unfortunate incident in a public library has left the Mayor of Leicester with red cheeks, after his trousers fell down in full view of the youngsters who had specially gathered for his official visit.

The Mayor, clearly embarrassed, was left without a leg to stand on, while his audience tried not to crease themselves laughing. Mr Mayor who, up until this point had thought he had the audience in his pocket, decided to crack on with his speech. Unfortunately for him, the audience of children were in stitches. Telling them to "Belt up" didn't have any effect, so he tried telling them a story which, he had hoped, would keep them in suspenders long enough for him to regain control of the situation.

Seams like this didn't work either though.

By this time, a brace of Trumpton reporters had heard about the incident, and were asking Mr Mayor to enlarge. Mr Mayor wisely declined to comment, deciding instead to keep it zipped. No flies on him then! He hemmed and hawed for a moment and then, realising he was in a tight fix, he legged it. Through a rear exit. No one tried to tackle him, preferring instead to partake in the light snack of meat and two veg prepared specially for the event.

Local resident, Bod, commented "I don't know Y he forgot his belt, but it was clear to everyone that he got his knickers in a twist. But he did the wise thing and kept buttoned up."

When asked what advice he would give the embarrassed Mr Mayor, Bod replied "He shouldn't let this b***s up [unfortunate incident] get him down. He just needs to keep his pecker up and maybe drown his sorrows with a drink or two. That should jockey him up a bit. 

Bottoms up!" 

Ok guys, your turn - what puns did I miss?

Answer in the comments box provided please!

Heidelberg Electric Belt

P.S.Thanks for the best answer vote, Flamingo, enjoy!

Freaky Trees

During a brief interlude at the weekend when I had actually managed to prise myself away from my computer, I read an article in The Sunday Post (Scotland's newspaper of choice, apparently), about Ghostly Trees.
Unfortunately, The Sunday Post is yet to enter the 21st century, so I cannot give you a link to the story as I originally read it, but here's the story as reported by the

Random News Stories

It amazes me how many stories I hear on the radio news that don't make it to television news. It's such a shame, as the stories that get missed out on television are often the ones that I think are the best. Okay, so we need updates on what the government/economy/USA is doing, as it affects our daily lives. But what about the alligator loose on the streets of a small town in Germany??? Or the arm found on the motorway here in Britain??? Or the riot in Northern Ireland that was stopped because a policeman played ice-cream van music over his police car tannoy??? These were the stories that stopped me in my tracks recently.