60 Days...and Counting!

Hello readers! Today, I'm very proud to announce that it is "Life In a Scots Sitting Room's" 60-day birthday! TWO MONTHS OLD! There were those of you who thought we'd never make it this far (- I know, 'cos I was one of them). Some who thought that I'd run out of quality rubbish to write about (she can't have that much to say, surely she'll shut-up soon?), and others who innocently thought that, if they just ignored me, I'd go away (how can anyone be so wrong?).


But, here we are at the two month mark, and I've still got more ideas than ever for posts relating to absolutely nothing of importance! Occasionally, something factual or educational, interesting even, might sneakily creep in (like me accidentally discovering that the guy who invented the Diesel engine was called Rudolf), but that's usually in the "comments"section, rather than the actual post itself (especially Alistair's thesis of "A History of How Dutch has Influenced the American Language" - see under my post Big Cheese Update).


BUT, WAIT A MINUTE! - LOOK at the Top Ten exciting things that have happened with my blog
- IN ONLY 60 SHORT DAYS:

[SFX intro music...... jazzy "what's hot in the world of entertainment" music]

[CUE PRESENTER:]

MAX HEADROOM (remember him?)

"LIFE IN A SCOTS SITTING ROOM" - 60 DAY ROUND-UP!
(AKA - LINKS TO OLD CLASSIC POSTS THAT LOTS OF YOU HAVEN'T READ YET! DO IT! - DO IT NOW! You know you want to, really!) (with non-related pictures, 'cos just a list looked pretty boring on it's own)

1/. I GOT AN AWARD FOR MY BLOG! okay, so I still don't know if it's real, or just a marketing gimmick - BUT WHO CARES? - IT'S AN AWARD, DAMMIT!!!
And, if that wasn't enough excitement, on the same day  "Life In a Scots Sitting Room" GOT MENTIONED ON RADIO 2 - ONLY THE MOST LISTENED TO RADIO STATION IN THE UK!!!

2/. I GOT ORDAINED AS A DUDEIST PRIEST! Sweet! Abide!

3/. I STARTED A BLOG FEUD WITH A CHEESY YANK (that was "Yank" people,- I don't resort to crude schoolboy humour here. (That's a blatant lie)) who spells "humour" as "humor".

4/. CHEESY YANK DREW A CARTOON ABOUT ME!!! (it's quite insulting, but I've never been "cartooned" before, and considering he's never seen what I look like, frighteningly accurate) (and it's funny, though I hate to admit it)

5/. I GOT A MENTION IN "SOTTISH ROUND-UP" - a political blog review site!!! (go figure - someone (Andrew Reeves) must have been at the hip flask that day!)

6/. I DISCLOSED TO THE WORLD MY EXPERIENCE WITH MI5!!! (true story, by the way.)

(read the blue sign behind, too!)

7/. I INTRODUCED THE WORLD TO WHERE I LIVE (Trumpton, Trumptonshire, Scottish Borders, UK (please don't send cheques for large sums/parcels to this address before 10am))

8/. I EXPOSED THE FACT THAT ALIENS (or possibly teenage guys, whatever...) are using Ice Cream Vans for dubious purposes...IN TRUMPTON!!!

(I'll have whatever they're drinking)

9/. MY NEW INNOCENT BYSTANDERS FRIENDS Cheeseman, Kelly and Klahanie ALL put "Life In a Scots Sitting Room" ON THEIR BLOG ROLLS! (Aw, I'm touched, you guys! (- but don't worry, I'm not gonna press charges))

10/. I FIGURED OUT HOW TO PUT A DONATE BUTTON ON MY BLOG. Did you see it? I'm starting an experiment to see how many times it needs to be clicked before the paint wears off....... THAT'S A HINT GUYS! (no link here - you're meant to be looking for the donate button (under my profile pic, right hand side) and getting out your credit cards.)

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Not making it to the Top Ten list, but also worth a mention, I think, is my attempt at a "Top Gear" style post. And the three posts I wrote to get rid of some built-up puns (which can turn nasty if left untreated). See them here, here, and here.



And so to...........



Coming Soon.....(well, soon-ish, anyway) (or, My Big "To Do Next" list!)

I still haven't worked out how to do the accent-y things on French words, even though I've been given very good and precise instructions from Stewart (my technical manager). But I can't seem to get the time [read as: don't really care that much]. I would like to get to grips with German umlauts, as I have hopes of finding a German blogger to argue with at some point in the future, and one needs to be well-equipped to deal with a humorous German (they tend to take humour, especially sarcasm, very seriously in my experience.). I put a link to the Fawlty Towers "Don't mention the War" scene in my post Not Jim, Rudolf, but don't think that it really counts as a pre-emptive strike.



I have figured out that there are things called Meta Tags. I even understand what they're for, and have a rough idea of how they work. I have even found some good sites that give detailed instructions as to how to do these Meta Tags, and have tried my best to follow them. But, either I am totally inept at HTML, or my laptop needs to read some advice too, because I cannot for the life of me get it to work on my blog. Apparently they're pretty crucial, so I should probably do something (more than sitting shaking my head at the screen) about it.



I'm hoping to find it easier to add a Blog Roll on my site, so that I can put up a list of the best blogs I've come across on my travels, so that you good, trusting people can be exposed to more funny/irrelevant stuff (and also some good quality serious blogs), but written by other bloggers, so that you can see it's not just me who writes random, bizarre stuff that wastes not just our time, but you're time as well, when we could all be getting on with real work, or worthy causes, or planning revolts, or whatever it is you people do when you're not reading this blog..... (why would you even want to do anything else - it's all here people!)

I'm also gradually finding my way round the numerous opportunities open to me for sticking adverts up on my site in a hope that you'll buy stuff. I then get a commission on the thousands you spend buying books, music, or whatever, as recommended by me (oh, the power!). That's the theory. The fact is that I keep getting distracted by the stuff I could buy (once I eventually start earning some money fro this blog!). Or review, or recommend, and end up thinking "I'm sure I have that book somewhere. Let me see if I can find it."........ Two hours later, I'll remember that I was actually meant to be researching how to add it into my site. Must try harder on this one and, when I get it sussed, I will be demanding you buy stuff, so that I can earn some pennies (well, you've all managed to ignore the "Donate" button so far, and a girl's gotta live). But I love reading, and already have lots of great books to recommend to you (my lovely, lovely readers who, I'm sure, haven't been deliberately ignoring the "Donate" button, but just hadn't realised I'd added it - correct?).

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So, that's my "Life In a Scots Sitting Room" 60 day round-up done. I hope that those of you who are regular readers managed to surface from the fuzzy depths of your medication long enough to read it, and enjoy the stroll down memory lane, and those of you who are new readers aren't too traumatised by the trip (mind you, I can hear at least one of you screaming for mercy even as I type).

I'm also hoping that you'll all come back for more (you just won't learn, will you?). Look out for my upcoming posts Not All Quentins are Queer, The Klingons Are Coming, and one where I'll be giving a step-by-step guide in how to get a job as an undercover agent with the CIA (it'll probably have a snappy title, like "How To Get A Job With the CIA As An Undercover Agent", or something similar).

Finally, I have to apologise firstly to the person who Google searched "anthroposophy", found my site in the list, and clicked, only to be led, completely unprepared, to my Not Jim, Rudolf post. We can only send our best wishes for a speedy recovery.

My second apology is to the person who found a link, to the same post, through the "Christmas" listing in an online magazine. They've even put my picture of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer in their link to my site. Those of you who have followed to the link I put chose for Rudolf will understand the gravity of the situation, and how distressing it must have been to someone happily getting into the Christmas spirit (waaay tooooo early). Personally, I thought the irony of this was hilarious, and laughed out loud. A lot. It made my day, in fact! So, apologies, but, thanks for the laugh as well! 

To the person who asked if I do requests - no, I will not stop.

And I promise not to do another round-up for...oh...uhm.... at least a while.

GOODBYE!

I Got An Award!

Dunno about you lot, but I had another bizarre weekend! Well, maybe "bizarre" is quite a strong term in the World view of things bizarre, but for someone living in the fictitious town of Trumpton, it was pretty full-on, and included GETTING AN AWARD, BEING MENTIONED ON NATIONAL RADIO, and HAVING MI5 ADDING ME AS A FRIEND!

It all began relatively quietly.

Friday evening, after posting Feelgood Friday, I decided it was time to up my site traffic hits from "some" to into "double figures", so I did some very shallow research on blog directories, and submitted my blog URL to a few of them (you will see the little voting box things of some of them way down somewhere near the bottom of the page. Some didn't make it, 'cos the whole process is a bit boring/confusing - too bad, their loss), ignoring in the process one of my favourite Groucho Marx  quotes "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members".

Groucho (with mum) as a child

Then I checked my email In box and discovered that my activities on Yahoo!Answers had resulted in my getting a Violation notice for incorrect usage of the question/answer forum (that was in response to a question I had answered in the "Entertainment > Jokes and Riddles" section (those guys have NO sense of humour), and yet another one of my answers being "reported" (had posted that one in the very serious "Gaming" section, so I didn't really expect them to take it as a joke). The guy in the "Cars + Automobiles" section (who was asking for reviews of a Citroen blahblahnumbersanstuff that he was thinking of buying) hadn't reported me though ("Hi!" if he's reading), so that was a plus. I suppose it balanced out the karma of DreamCat voting mine the best answer to her "It's raining, I'm bored" question on Friday (hope you're still reading, DreamCat!).


Having had my wrists slapped by Yahoo!Answers, and actually feeling somehow pleased with myself for my carefree rebelliousness, I continued on my random surfing crusade, only to be stopped in my tracks on the BoingBoing website by the Battle of the Cheetos game. I don't know if Cheetos are actually on sale in the UK, certainly they aren't available in Trumpton (but then, not much is), but they look like the US equivalent of the UK's Cheesy Wotsits crisps. Anyway, it was a full-on war game, with some kind of puffed wheat snack food wearing full body armour. I'm a Scot, and us Scots love fighting, especially battles, so I had to join in. That was my justification for spending the next 20 minutes choosing my flag design and colours. The fact that I'm a Scot was also my justification of why it took me less than 60 seconds to loose. I have no justification at all for the fact that I lost BECAUSE I SHOT MY OWN CHEETO FOOT SOLDIERS! I could only look on in despair as my brave Cheeto soldiers were blasted into clouds of orange-tinged wheaty-puff oblivion by the missile I had launched only seconds earlier. Call them Cheetos or call them Cheesy Wotists, those little guys may have been puffs, but they were brave puffs, nonetheless. (SFX "Reveille" "Taps").

Yanking myself back to work (but with a heavy heart), I went over to Exposeyourblog and did my blogsurfing duty, visiting other bloggers pages. Among the blogs that came up during my surf, was a particularly notable one "Nascont Benedictine" by a benedictine monk. As the surf portal doesn't let you see the URL address, and as Mr Monk [N.B. no disrespect intended by that link, only a questionable sense of humour] doesn't have a followers button, I couldn't find the site again. I couldn't even leave a comment, as they all seemed to be in Latin (I was gonna say "Hi! I'm a Dudeist priest - like your prayers!"). Cool site to end my evening on, though, which was exactly what I did.

Saturday, I was giving my eyes a rest (hoping they would return to being round, and loose the square shape that they're beginning to assume). So I went out and had a wild night on the town* (*that's a complete lie - I went down to my mum's, had dinner, and watched "The Boat That Rocks" with her - good film). But, on returning home, I couldn't resist turning on my overworked laptop to see if I had any emails, or if any more followers had joined my site, or if my blog happened to have caught the attention of anyone which then resulted in them giving me an award..... or anything.

I had! They did! It did! It had! (This is me trying to condense the story from "long winded" to merely "lengthy")

WOOP WOOP WOOP!

My new follower is a real person, who I actually know in real life, who thinks my blog is funny (mind you, she is on the verge of being certifiable). Hello Itchin Stitchin! Welcome to Madness - your home planet!

The Award is from an employee of blog directory AddYourBlog (I haven't -yet!) who obviously has far to much time on her hands, but who equally obviously has a superb taste in humour blogs! I don't know how she (Alessandra - I'm presuming that's the female version of the name???) found my site, 'cos I didn't submit my blog to AddYourBlog (mebbe she was thinking of buying a Citroen blahblahnumbersanstuff and saw my witty, yet irrelevant reply on Yahoo!Answers???).

Apparently my blog was hand selected to receive the Award:

...... to honor your hard
work and dedication in providing a quality web log.
Requirements:

1)Quality Web Content.

2)Great Design .

3)Web Log Everyone Will Love To Read .

My first reaction was to be deeply suspicious that this was some clever marketing ploy to encourage me to join their directory (a bit rich on my part considering I had spent several hours the previous day trying to do exactly that with other directories!). My second reaction was "Who cares, even if it is a clever marketing ploy? I've won an Award - and it's shiny, almost!" My third reaction was "How can I discover the technology to cleverly market my blog by running round giving (almost) shiny awards to big, popular blog sites? (still working on that one).  

My final reaction was to wait until today (Monday) to follow the link which would allow me to collect my Award badge, turn off my tired computer, and go to bed, with a smile on my face!

But it didn't end there.........

The time was 3.30am (Brit time), and the Richard Allinson Show was on BBC Radio 2. I'm usually just getting off to bed at the time, so I am a regular listener. I had just turned the radio on, when Richard announced that submissions for inclusion into the 3.46 club were being accepted by text and email. The 3.46 club is where you text/email in with an explanation of why you are up at that time in the morning. If your reason is interesting enough, Richard gives a shout-out to you on his show. I had often heard this feature, but never thought to call in......

Until now.....

I only had 15 minutes to submit my reason for being up at such an hour.......

I texted that I was up 'cos I had been working on my blog, and that I was dancing around my room 'cos it had just won an Award. I cheekily included my blog name, just in case.

Then I decided that it would probably be a good idea to go back downstairs and add the Award badge to my blog, on the off chance that a researcher for Richard's show would look up my blog to check it out (I can dream, can't I?), or that a bored listener would surf by to see it. By this time it was 3.33. I had no time to loose.

I managed to coerce my computer into booting-up in far less time than it usually takes (I say computer, it's actually a little laptop, with no memory - a fact that it consistently reminds me of, which is probably a good thing, otherwise it might start suffering from some kind of laptop trauma as a result of my surfing habits, and I'd have to get it special treatment). It gets very tired, especially when it's had a busy night, but I coaxed it by telling it that this was an amazing opportunity that could make me, and vicariously it ("her" actually, she's a Goddess even though she doesn't have a name) famous. Amazingly enough, she co-operated (DON'T try to tell me that inanimate objects have no feelings - they DO, and often they're feelings are VENGEFUL).

My laptop and I managed to get the Award sewn-onto my blog page at 3.46am ....... finishing at the exact same moment Richard Allinson chose to give me a shout out THAT INCLUDED MY BLOG NAME!!!!!!

ON BRITAIN'S MOST LISTENED TO RADIO STATION!!!!!!!

DOUBLE WOOP WOOP WOOP-DE-WOOP!!!!!!!!

Now I was dancing around the room again!

Too much excitement!

I went back to bed, happy in the knowledge that, not only had my blog won an Award, but it had succeeded in gaining National recognition, finally, after [checks watch] almost five weeks of hard graft. 

Thank you Richard Allinson. This post is dedicated to you. You are my Hero!

My Hero!

P.S. To those of you who are paying attention rather than drifting off to sleep, I know I haven't mentioned how it came about that MI5 have added me as their friend. But it's true. I'm just exhausted after re-living the events of the last two days, so have to rest now. With a nice cup of tea. I will, however, explain all about it in another post. I promise (no, it doesn't matter how much you all protest, dear readers, you will get an explanation at some future date, whether you want it or not!).

Mr Cheese

So there I was, minding my own business, just having signed-in to my blogging dashboard, when I saw that I had two new comments to moderate. Ooo..... exciting! What comments had been left?

I quickly opened the "view comments" link, and saw that there were two comments left by someone whose name I didn't recognise (wow - a stranger, even more exciting!), with a blog called I Like Cheese. Those of you familiar with blogging will tell you that a person's blog title does not necessarily give you any indication of what they're like, or what they're blog is about, so the blog title gave me no clue. None whatsoever. Not a hint. I decided to read his comments before checking out his blog.

Short and Sweet

Prologue: Yesterday, one of readers commented that he thought my blogs were very like me - a bit too long winded. I was cut to the core at the injustice of the remark. But remembered reading somewhere that, in order to gain followers, a good blogger will respond to comments, thereby creating a loyal readership. I have decided to follow this advice so, having received a comment (from one of the four of you out there, you know who you are) I have decided to wipe away my tears, and treat it as positive, constructive criticism, and write a shorter blog. Any of the three remaining readers are more than welcome to send a protest comment about my blog being too short. I'll be waiting.......

Here follows the actual blog post......

Maiden Blog

Hiya Peeps!

I've spent hours and hours over months and months daydreaming about getting connected to the Internet at home. Finally it's happened - I'm connected! I can write almost as much as I can talk - maybe even more, and the world can read me (if it chooses to, that is!). So I'm going to share my experiences, opinions and views with whoever is interested. My broadband connection is only two days old, and very glitchy so far, and this is also my maiden blog (that works on two levels, 'cos I actually am a maiden, though in the gender, not the biblical , sense, and I'm not even going to start with the whole age thing!) and I'm still setting-up my page, so it may be a bit of a bumpy ride, but Hey! - hang on!


Having the choice between giving myself time to familiarise myself with Blogger and blogging, or jumping-in at the deep end, guess what I decided to do???!.......